Forever the Right Way

Its getting easier and easier to live the way I've been living. Though there was a time when I thought it would be impossible to be just friends with him, it turns out that its not. Me and him have a very odd relationship but it is for sure something that i would not change.

Though the kid brings new things to the table of conflicts, I am quite able to blow them off as if its nothing which in my eyes I am beginning to see it as nothing. He wants what he want and I cant stop that. He deserves to be happy and if that is how it needs to happen then let it happen.

I imagine are life will continue on the same way its going with the same bumps and glitches in it but I couldn't have it any other way. Its just are way of life.

Boy Problems?

Mm maybe. I mean I did at first but now things are quite quaint. I like what I have going for me right now. I'm keeping the whole thing pure friendship and not letting anything intrude. Today we hung out and it went over amazingly. We didn't even argue when we were texting later that night. Improvement.

Granted he is asking for a lot right now that I'm not quite sure if I'm okay with, but i told him he could do it not that he needed my permission. I just feel like he is getting in way over his head. Honestly i thought we have a good thing going and we still will if we keep this whole thing under raps, but you can only bring so many people to the party.

I don't know.

Summer 2012

I assumed that this summer would be a very dull one, but it has been the exact opposite. As I planned to spend most of my summer with who ever doing what ever we could fine to do, my plans have changed. My very lazy summer has turned into one of the most hectic ones I could be apart of.

I have gotten a job where I am working 15 hours a week as an Activity Aid at Camelot Care Center. Instead of spending everyday with Knub, I have spent everyday with James. Through work, friend, doctors appointments, and scheduled school activities, I rarely have time to work on my number one goal of the summer.

The good thing about doing so much though is that I am in a way actually reaching my goal, or at least I would assume, I haven't actually checked yet. I am missing out a lot on my friends Sierra and Mariah which is a little bit sad but then again I have a long summer ahead and hopefully we can work out some kind of plan of hanging out.

Its all in good time I would think. Everything happening in my life is something that I agree with. If my whole summer goes this way then not only will I achieve my goal but hopefully I would of had a very successful and eventful one. One would hope.

Getting my confidence

Yes, it is true. I have gained a remarkable amount of confidence here within the last week or two and have used it to my fullest. I'm not really afraid to stand in front of a room and talk now. I walk up to strangers and strike up a conversation with out even a second thought. I just feel like I'm doing so much better and I cant help but be glad that I took the initiative and began to push myself into public initiations.

Lifes Kickin

To say that I am not living a completely amazing life right now would be a huge lie. For several reasons, one in particular that I can not mention, my life has become an amazing bliss. I can not remember a time when I was this happy. I've taken to a looking at life at a new way.
My thoughts on the way I perceive people and handle them has pretty much done a 360. I've began to talk to people I don't care for and to be a generally nice person to almost everyone. I've come to the conclusion that I have been very unfair and unjust to those that surround me and are part of my life. I am purposefully mean to those who truly did nothing to me. Therefore I am oh so glad that I have began to change and be in general a nicer person.
I doubt anyone really reads this but in a case that they do, try not to think different of me as I say this. I would like to give a lot of the credit of my new change in life to.. well.. a boy. Call me lame. I don't care. but for what i would like to consider the better of, this kid has changed me and I'm glad he did. Granted i feel less independent now, but in all reality i feel it is worth it.

Just sayin

So I think im going to post a quiz about me on here, mainly because I like filling those things out. ya

oh and I just thought id let you know, I am so freaking pumped for the new season of teen wolf. :)

You Dont Know Me

Well you really don't know me. So here's a bit of an inside life that I'm always trying to keep to myself.


A- Available: As in single, yes. but as in wanting to date someone? Well you better be pretty damn special for me to want to date you at the current state that I'm at in my life.
B- Birthday: October 7, 1994
C- Crushing On: This guy at my school that Ive NEVER EVEN TALKED TO! Sigh.
D- Drink you last had: Green Hawaiian Punch
E- Easiest person to talk to: I don't tell people my secrets and problems, I tell my journal instead.
F- Favorite song: You Don't Know Your Beautiful - One Direction
G- Grossest memory: I have several, but the one that come to mind is "The Drink From Hell".*
H- Hometown: Logansport
I- In love with: The idea of leaving and starting new.
J- Jealous of: My best friend. I just feel like she has is all and has no problems.
K- Killed someone: I never have but if I could with out consequences, I would.
L- Longest friendship: Well it was corlee, but were not friends anymore so now its Sierra.
M- Middle Name: Nichole
N- Number of siblings: 2 brothers and 2 step brothers
O- One wish: To actually have a life consisting of a more social out look.
P- Person who called you last: My boss, Tom
Q- Question you’re always asked: Are You Okay?
R- Reason to smile: I'm a senior in 9 days!
S- Song you last sang: Something by My Chemical Romance
T- Time you woke up: 6 a.m
U- Underwear color: Purple
V- Violent moment you had: I imagine killing people I don't like.
W- Worst habit: Biting my nails, and opening my mouth when I should keep it close.
X- X-rays you had: My knee, my arm, my head, my teeth,
Y- Your last kiss: I truly couldn't tell you because I don't even remember.
Z- Zodiac sign: Libra bro.






G- "Drink From Hell" - in general its a drink that me and sierra made that has a bunch of random stuff mixed together like mustard, chocolate, hot sauce, exc.

More creative writing

So I had to do a conclusion to a stupid story, that with the help of me, just became awesome.

Nikolai ran full force towards the demon with the broken crucifix raised. His arm came down with a heavy force towards the Seynora demon only to hit air.
What? He thought as he looked at the now empty space before him. Where did he go?
A cold, spine tingling laughter rose up from behind him.
"You know its almost funny watching you try and attack me." The demon smirked, "but your struggles are pointless against me, for I am the one and only Lucifer, reincarnated into your dear, naive friends body. Her soul was shattered in the process, which in all reality is only a minor loss when the reward of my return was by far greater."
Nikolai was frozen with fear, completely unable to move. He stared into Lucifer's entirely black eyes. His mind was blank despite his immense struggling to speak.
"No need to try and do anything my dear, your time is almost up anyway." Lucifer raised his  hand, and with a flick of his wrist he sent the frozen Nikolai flying backwards.
Nikolai hit the wall with a loud crack animating around the dark cavern like area. His vision began to blur with a red substance that was now trickling its way into his sight. His head lolled to the side where he saw his arm sticking out at a completely wrong angle.
Nikolai wanted to scream, he tried to scream but no sound would make its way out of his lips.
"You know, its almost a shame that I have to kill you, after all you did do oh so much for me. It was you and Seynora that helped me rise up and thanks to her I am now here standing before you, but atlas, it is not enough. See, I am a powerful being who needs more then one mere mortal life to survive."
Lucifer was looking at Nikolai as he slowly glided toward him. He bent down and ran Seynoras hand down the side of his face.
Nikolai tried everything in his power to move but with nothing to show for it.
Lucifer was inches from his face. A greedy smile playing on his lips. A sharp pain ripped its way through Nikolais body, spreading from his chest through out all of his limbs. His vision began to fade out and everything went black.
His body became numb and he began to feel himself diminish. As he began to fall into the ever ending life of eternity, he heard a deep maniacal laugh in the far off distance.

Still Posting About Confidence

I cant explain to you why I need it so bad in my life. Some people just have while others don't. I have it, but normally when I'm with a friend but when I am on my own I struggle a bit.

I am slowly working on it though. I'm talking to people at work and stepping out to do stuff. I'm slowly finding out that this is something that you cant read about and find it. You have to earn it and work on it. Its apart of you and its something that you need to find on your own over a period of time.

I imagine with time and work, I will be able to achieve the things that the people I envy do. Crowds wont be at bad and I can speak my mind. I might still care what others think while I'm doing it but the whole point of me being able to stand up there alone on my own is all I need.

Confidence Is A Piece Of Work

So Ive been having some problems with self confidence. I mean, I don't care what others think most of the time and I'm happy doing what I like to do and with how weirdly I act and dress. It's what makes me and I love that about me. I'm good at being  on my own and doing my own thing, its what I was built on.

Well my problem here is that I have girl state coming up where I am going to be stuck in a building for 7 days with 600 girls all my age. This is a program put on by the American legion ok? Well they give awards to people who show themselves above everyone else. You pretty much run in mock elections against each other for high positions in the government, I want a high position, I want the honor, I want to be remembered. I need that money and the reputation that you get when you win, for my future. I need it to get into college.

I got into girls state on a curve. I don't exactly match up to all the other girls. I'm not the riches, the prettiest, the smartest or the most confident. So i am trying to get my confidence up. I want to walk in there with my head held high and I want to make a name for my self, I want everyone to look at me and know that I am there for a purpose and I want to be someone.

Through all my searching for tips and stories that could help me with this, I came across this poem. The author is unknown but I really like it. Its about yourself being the only person who can really judge you. Its pretty good if i do say so myself.




When you get what you want in your struggle for self

and the world makes you queen for a day
just go to the mirror and look at yourself
and see what the girl has to say.

For it isn't your father or mother or brother
whose judgment upon you must pass....
the person whose verdict counts most in your life
is the one staring back from the glass.

She's the person to please, never mind all the rest,
for she is with you clear up to the end.
And you've passed your most dangerous, difficult test
if the girl in the glass is your friend.

You may fool the whole world down the pathway of years
and get pats on the back as you pass,
but your only reward will be heartaches and tears
If you cheated the girl in the glass.