This I life

I feel like I owe this blog a post. Maybe a catch up post and a post telling about what I'm about to do. Odds are I wont be posting in this for a few weeks because I'm about to go to girls state.So let me break it down for you on whats happening and whats about to happen.

Phone- Yep so I am truly beginning to hate apple products. No joke I cant do anything with this damn thing. Every time I try to text or even get on an app it closes out and I'm not able to do anything. I went to Indi over the weekend and the only thing they did was tell me to reset. Dude I seriously wouldn't of traveled two hours to fix a phone if I wouldn't have tried that already. Ugh so I'm going to try it one more time and if it doesn't work then I'm just going to throw it at a wall.

Friends
James- Hes Like my best friend. I finally have are relationship in the right part. I know exactly how to act and I love it. I'm so glad I have someone in my life like him. We've been hanging out a lot and its really going to suck that I wont get to see him for like two weeks. Lame!
Sierra- Shes doing good. I don't get to see her a lot lately but from what I hear shes good. I know shes loving her job a lot and her and Matt are doing good so one would assume its all good.
Mariah- Shes doing good as well. Besides them having to worry about there momma and there cancer, I know shes in Chicago having fun.
K-nub- I don't really know how hes doing. I know his parents are splitting up which sucks but hopefully things will get better for him.

Family
mom- Mommas doing good. Marks moved in with her and everything seems to be alright. she seems happier now which is always good.
dad- Egh idk, idc.
grandma- I love this women and I owe her so much. She has practically paid for my entire Girls State trip. I don't know what I would do with out her.

Girls State- So here with in like four days I'm going to be hanging out with 600 other girls. I'm so excited but I'm super upset that i am cutting myself out of the world but that will only make people love and miss me a lot more :P

Camelot- So I started to work there. I always thought I never would but now that I am I actually like it. I am in love with all of the kids and I actually enjoy my job which is weird. I am An activity aid so I have to do activity's with the kids which is a lot of fun. I might actually think about making this into a career or something.

Life- I'm actually really happy right now. Everything is amazing. I am so happy and my life is really content. I just hope it stays this way for awhile. Fingers Crossed!!!!

Trial and Error

So I thought it would hurt for him to tell me that he didn't want to be with me after everything we've been through. I thought id feel lost and empty and wouldn't know what to do with myself but its the complete opposite.

Ive come to realize that it was a good thing that we didn't date. I don't like him like that. Ive never had a boy that's a friend, that was as close to me as he is, so with my rational thinking i thought that it meant we had to be more. I'm so dumb sometimes.

Were going to continue being close friends. Were good at it and we both make each other happy. I just hope he wont replace me with another girl. Heaven knows he couldn't find another best friend like me in another girl. Yea shit happens and at first I kind of wondered why he didn't want to be with me and I was freaking out about my faults but I get it now. Whether he told me the truth or not on why he didn't want to be with me, idc. I'm me, and I refuse to change for someone else. Yea I know I'm a nerd, a dork, very dramatic, and in general just plain weird, but I'm happy with my life that way and I'm not about to change it for someone else.

Sorry bro but I'm not changing and if you want to be with me your going to have to accept all my quirks. :)

Forever the Right Way

Its getting easier and easier to live the way I've been living. Though there was a time when I thought it would be impossible to be just friends with him, it turns out that its not. Me and him have a very odd relationship but it is for sure something that i would not change.

Though the kid brings new things to the table of conflicts, I am quite able to blow them off as if its nothing which in my eyes I am beginning to see it as nothing. He wants what he want and I cant stop that. He deserves to be happy and if that is how it needs to happen then let it happen.

I imagine are life will continue on the same way its going with the same bumps and glitches in it but I couldn't have it any other way. Its just are way of life.

Boy Problems?

Mm maybe. I mean I did at first but now things are quite quaint. I like what I have going for me right now. I'm keeping the whole thing pure friendship and not letting anything intrude. Today we hung out and it went over amazingly. We didn't even argue when we were texting later that night. Improvement.

Granted he is asking for a lot right now that I'm not quite sure if I'm okay with, but i told him he could do it not that he needed my permission. I just feel like he is getting in way over his head. Honestly i thought we have a good thing going and we still will if we keep this whole thing under raps, but you can only bring so many people to the party.

I don't know.

Summer 2012

I assumed that this summer would be a very dull one, but it has been the exact opposite. As I planned to spend most of my summer with who ever doing what ever we could fine to do, my plans have changed. My very lazy summer has turned into one of the most hectic ones I could be apart of.

I have gotten a job where I am working 15 hours a week as an Activity Aid at Camelot Care Center. Instead of spending everyday with Knub, I have spent everyday with James. Through work, friend, doctors appointments, and scheduled school activities, I rarely have time to work on my number one goal of the summer.

The good thing about doing so much though is that I am in a way actually reaching my goal, or at least I would assume, I haven't actually checked yet. I am missing out a lot on my friends Sierra and Mariah which is a little bit sad but then again I have a long summer ahead and hopefully we can work out some kind of plan of hanging out.

Its all in good time I would think. Everything happening in my life is something that I agree with. If my whole summer goes this way then not only will I achieve my goal but hopefully I would of had a very successful and eventful one. One would hope.

Getting my confidence

Yes, it is true. I have gained a remarkable amount of confidence here within the last week or two and have used it to my fullest. I'm not really afraid to stand in front of a room and talk now. I walk up to strangers and strike up a conversation with out even a second thought. I just feel like I'm doing so much better and I cant help but be glad that I took the initiative and began to push myself into public initiations.

Lifes Kickin

To say that I am not living a completely amazing life right now would be a huge lie. For several reasons, one in particular that I can not mention, my life has become an amazing bliss. I can not remember a time when I was this happy. I've taken to a looking at life at a new way.
My thoughts on the way I perceive people and handle them has pretty much done a 360. I've began to talk to people I don't care for and to be a generally nice person to almost everyone. I've come to the conclusion that I have been very unfair and unjust to those that surround me and are part of my life. I am purposefully mean to those who truly did nothing to me. Therefore I am oh so glad that I have began to change and be in general a nicer person.
I doubt anyone really reads this but in a case that they do, try not to think different of me as I say this. I would like to give a lot of the credit of my new change in life to.. well.. a boy. Call me lame. I don't care. but for what i would like to consider the better of, this kid has changed me and I'm glad he did. Granted i feel less independent now, but in all reality i feel it is worth it.

Just sayin

So I think im going to post a quiz about me on here, mainly because I like filling those things out. ya

oh and I just thought id let you know, I am so freaking pumped for the new season of teen wolf. :)

You Dont Know Me

Well you really don't know me. So here's a bit of an inside life that I'm always trying to keep to myself.


A- Available: As in single, yes. but as in wanting to date someone? Well you better be pretty damn special for me to want to date you at the current state that I'm at in my life.
B- Birthday: October 7, 1994
C- Crushing On: This guy at my school that Ive NEVER EVEN TALKED TO! Sigh.
D- Drink you last had: Green Hawaiian Punch
E- Easiest person to talk to: I don't tell people my secrets and problems, I tell my journal instead.
F- Favorite song: You Don't Know Your Beautiful - One Direction
G- Grossest memory: I have several, but the one that come to mind is "The Drink From Hell".*
H- Hometown: Logansport
I- In love with: The idea of leaving and starting new.
J- Jealous of: My best friend. I just feel like she has is all and has no problems.
K- Killed someone: I never have but if I could with out consequences, I would.
L- Longest friendship: Well it was corlee, but were not friends anymore so now its Sierra.
M- Middle Name: Nichole
N- Number of siblings: 2 brothers and 2 step brothers
O- One wish: To actually have a life consisting of a more social out look.
P- Person who called you last: My boss, Tom
Q- Question you’re always asked: Are You Okay?
R- Reason to smile: I'm a senior in 9 days!
S- Song you last sang: Something by My Chemical Romance
T- Time you woke up: 6 a.m
U- Underwear color: Purple
V- Violent moment you had: I imagine killing people I don't like.
W- Worst habit: Biting my nails, and opening my mouth when I should keep it close.
X- X-rays you had: My knee, my arm, my head, my teeth,
Y- Your last kiss: I truly couldn't tell you because I don't even remember.
Z- Zodiac sign: Libra bro.






G- "Drink From Hell" - in general its a drink that me and sierra made that has a bunch of random stuff mixed together like mustard, chocolate, hot sauce, exc.

More creative writing

So I had to do a conclusion to a stupid story, that with the help of me, just became awesome.

Nikolai ran full force towards the demon with the broken crucifix raised. His arm came down with a heavy force towards the Seynora demon only to hit air.
What? He thought as he looked at the now empty space before him. Where did he go?
A cold, spine tingling laughter rose up from behind him.
"You know its almost funny watching you try and attack me." The demon smirked, "but your struggles are pointless against me, for I am the one and only Lucifer, reincarnated into your dear, naive friends body. Her soul was shattered in the process, which in all reality is only a minor loss when the reward of my return was by far greater."
Nikolai was frozen with fear, completely unable to move. He stared into Lucifer's entirely black eyes. His mind was blank despite his immense struggling to speak.
"No need to try and do anything my dear, your time is almost up anyway." Lucifer raised his  hand, and with a flick of his wrist he sent the frozen Nikolai flying backwards.
Nikolai hit the wall with a loud crack animating around the dark cavern like area. His vision began to blur with a red substance that was now trickling its way into his sight. His head lolled to the side where he saw his arm sticking out at a completely wrong angle.
Nikolai wanted to scream, he tried to scream but no sound would make its way out of his lips.
"You know, its almost a shame that I have to kill you, after all you did do oh so much for me. It was you and Seynora that helped me rise up and thanks to her I am now here standing before you, but atlas, it is not enough. See, I am a powerful being who needs more then one mere mortal life to survive."
Lucifer was looking at Nikolai as he slowly glided toward him. He bent down and ran Seynoras hand down the side of his face.
Nikolai tried everything in his power to move but with nothing to show for it.
Lucifer was inches from his face. A greedy smile playing on his lips. A sharp pain ripped its way through Nikolais body, spreading from his chest through out all of his limbs. His vision began to fade out and everything went black.
His body became numb and he began to feel himself diminish. As he began to fall into the ever ending life of eternity, he heard a deep maniacal laugh in the far off distance.

Still Posting About Confidence

I cant explain to you why I need it so bad in my life. Some people just have while others don't. I have it, but normally when I'm with a friend but when I am on my own I struggle a bit.

I am slowly working on it though. I'm talking to people at work and stepping out to do stuff. I'm slowly finding out that this is something that you cant read about and find it. You have to earn it and work on it. Its apart of you and its something that you need to find on your own over a period of time.

I imagine with time and work, I will be able to achieve the things that the people I envy do. Crowds wont be at bad and I can speak my mind. I might still care what others think while I'm doing it but the whole point of me being able to stand up there alone on my own is all I need.

Confidence Is A Piece Of Work

So Ive been having some problems with self confidence. I mean, I don't care what others think most of the time and I'm happy doing what I like to do and with how weirdly I act and dress. It's what makes me and I love that about me. I'm good at being  on my own and doing my own thing, its what I was built on.

Well my problem here is that I have girl state coming up where I am going to be stuck in a building for 7 days with 600 girls all my age. This is a program put on by the American legion ok? Well they give awards to people who show themselves above everyone else. You pretty much run in mock elections against each other for high positions in the government, I want a high position, I want the honor, I want to be remembered. I need that money and the reputation that you get when you win, for my future. I need it to get into college.

I got into girls state on a curve. I don't exactly match up to all the other girls. I'm not the riches, the prettiest, the smartest or the most confident. So i am trying to get my confidence up. I want to walk in there with my head held high and I want to make a name for my self, I want everyone to look at me and know that I am there for a purpose and I want to be someone.

Through all my searching for tips and stories that could help me with this, I came across this poem. The author is unknown but I really like it. Its about yourself being the only person who can really judge you. Its pretty good if i do say so myself.




When you get what you want in your struggle for self

and the world makes you queen for a day
just go to the mirror and look at yourself
and see what the girl has to say.

For it isn't your father or mother or brother
whose judgment upon you must pass....
the person whose verdict counts most in your life
is the one staring back from the glass.

She's the person to please, never mind all the rest,
for she is with you clear up to the end.
And you've passed your most dangerous, difficult test
if the girl in the glass is your friend.

You may fool the whole world down the pathway of years
and get pats on the back as you pass,
but your only reward will be heartaches and tears
If you cheated the girl in the glass.

My Creative Writing Story

“Freeze!”

“Crap” Lexi whispered as she froze midway through the opening of the vent.

“Where do you think you’re going Mrs. Patchell?” Kyra slowly climbed out of the vent and stood up to look at her Government Conspiracy teacher.

“ummm I was just umm” she stammered as she racked her head for a good excuse.

“I don’t want to hear it” he said as he threw his hand up to silence her, “I thought we made it very clear to you that your time of climbing around in the vents and tunnels are over!” He glared at her. His face was a deep shade of red.

He put his hand on his plump hips. Mr. Write wasn’t exceptionally fit in his appearance. He had a wide waist with a face to match. His clean shaven mustache was almost as white as his hair these days. He had bright blue eyes that would startle you but make you want to trust him in seconds, or maybe that was just his alluring personality that pulled you in and made you want to reveal all your secrets.

Lexi bowed her head. “Sorry she murmured.

He stood and stared at her in silence. After a few minutes he sighed. “Fine, just get to class Lexi”.

She didn’t hesitate for any other possibilities of yelling. She turned on her heel and headed in the opposite direction she was facing.

As she walked she glanced at the walls of her school in wonder. It was still weird to her to know she was attending a top secret school for assassins. She had started here only a few months ago and had made a name for herself by randomly disappearing throughout the day.

It really shouldn’t be that surprising she thought despitefully. She had hated school back when it was normal and now that she was training 8 hours a day to potentially kill people it still didn’t matter.

She sighed. Had she known she was going to be living in a school full of future killers 24/7 she would have at least brought a game boy or something. The only thing slightly interesting in this school was discovering the secret vents and passageways hidden in the walls, and she wasn’t even suppose to be doing that.

Yup I wrote that :)

Prom 2012!

So April 21 we had prom. It was sooo much fun. It was themed as Big City, Big Lights. I went with my best guy friend Jordan and we had lots of fun. Then we went to after prom which was themed as mardi gras! I loved it all way to much and cant wait till I get to do it all again.

My dress. Yea I know its a bit big.

Me and my grandparents. I love them!

Me, Buzbee, K-nub, and his date.

Me and my best friend Sierra.

Matt, Sierra, Me and Jordan all at prom.

The Prom!

So amazing, I know!

Working on life

So I started another blog about me. Unlike this one tho I am keeping it completely private until I'm ready to show it to anyone. It is pretty much keeping track of my weight exercise and eating. I'm trying to lose weight and become the person that i always wanted to be.

see Ive finally got into a life where i am happy and i am surrounded with people that i actually want to be around. No ones being fake. (sorta) and life in general is just very mellow. I figured now is better then ever fro me to work on my self image.

I'm on day 5 and so far so good. I don't really want to post that kind of stuff on here if i can help it but odds are i probably will just so i can brag about it :)

Is Thinsperation a Joke?

Well In all reality I think it isn't but the controversy over it if like insane!

See thinsperation is when people look at pictures of skinny girls and they use that to inspire them to work out and get fit. See i think this is cool, I mean if you can do it go for it, I cant.

Some of the things said about it are that the girls are to skinny to begin with. You have a picture of a girl that your trying to achieve the same size as her when it might actually be plausible that its unhealthy for you to be that skinny. BMI bro. You might be taller so that means your going to have to be a little bit heavier if you wanna be healthy. Theres also the thought of when do you stop, when is enough, enough? I mean once you get the size of the girl in the picture, whats going to stop you from choosing someone skinnier? It's ok to be a little over weight you know? I mean I'm over weight and I'm the happiest person I know. Yea I wish I was skinnier but I'm content and happy.

Using motivation pictures are neat. If you need to lose weight and that's how you do it then go for it! I mean its better then spending thousands of dollars on surgeries and medications. Just be careful about it and do it in a healthy way.

Peace and Bracelets

So In general.

I love everything about this picture!

I want a peace sign tattoo on my wrist even though that isn't one.

And I absolutely LOVE bracelets. 

I have hundreds.

:)

Wrapped HeadPhones

I'n not even joking, I am like super proud of these things. I saw them on pintrest and decided to do them to a pair of my own and this is how they turned out. I love them! :)

My wrapped headphones

I'm Dying

So is it possible to die from a sore throat?

It sure the hell freaking feels like this.

Owe!

A Series Thing

So I LOVE book series, but I hate reading more then one. I'll read two at the most.

Well right now I'm reading the:

Benny Immura Series:

Its based like 14 years after the first night that zombies attacked. So now they have this whole civilization in which they all live in. There's a giant fence around them and outside the fence its call the rot and the ruin which is pretty much all of the rest of the world that is taken over by the infected. Well this guy goes out and does special missions and he takes his kid brother with him to teach him the ropes but stuff happens exc.

And

Gone Series

This one is about how everyone in the world disappears and the only people that are still around are kids under the age of 14. Once a child turns 15 they disappears to. Well Imagine it, a bunch of kids trying to run there own civilization. Its like lord f the flies almost except there's this huge radiation plant that's morphing everything and everybody. Some have powers some don't but in the mean time there's this thing underground that's controlling the animals and some of the prep kids.

So I like both of these series. The only problem is that I am only able to get a hold of the first book in the the Immura series, I Have to order the rest online and that's what I'm waiting for. The other problem is the next book in the Gone series is out at the library so i have to wait until someone brings it back LAME. Watch it be my luck that I end up getting both of the books at the same freaking time. Sigh.

Music For the Soul

Just a good song that I cant get out of my head. I've posted it in hopes that you'll get it stuck in yours and enjoy the same misery I have going on in my head.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sv6dMFF_yts&ob=av3e

<3 YA!

Amanda

This Years Kicking

I would like to believe that the success of my junior year is based off of my decisions to get rid of the lame and drama filled people and things in my life but to be honestly truthful i'm not sure. I mean when I got rid of certain people, it opened my life up to study more and now I have all A's. A 3.6 GPA. Its never been this high. :)

Anyway.

I am also receiving a lot of awards and stuff. I have received the skilled scholar award twice and a higher award that I don't entirely know the name of.

Also I am a delegate to go to Girls State this year. Its a program in which two girls and two boys are chosen in every school and they go stay in a dorm room for 5 days. Those 5 days they participate in a series of events where they run for government positions and learn the way of how it all works. I know it sounds kind of lame but it looks really good on a college application and I need it.

I've gone all nerd on the society that we live in!

:)

My Month of April

You know ever since I was younger I really haven't had a really planned out month. Well now I do.

See this month I have something for every weekend.

April 7 -dress up like the Easter bunny and go help out at my mommas work.

April 14- Act testing and then work right after.

April 21- Special Olympics and then prom with buzbee

April 28- USI college visit!

It dosent sound like much but it all adds up and it pretty much leaves me no free space on the weekend. Sigh

Ground Rules

So this might seem a little lame, hell it feels lame, but then again I'm glad I'm doing it because then I'll probably actually follow it. :)

So I made a new blog. The old one just seemed very contaminated with stupid drama and depressing information. So for this hot thing I am going to set some rules up for myself.

No Complaining about a certain selection of people who i have mentally listed and if you know me then you know who they are.

No sadness, or at least ill try not to be sad.

No mentioning your family unless you need to for like telling a story or future events.

Yep that's all I have right now.

Toodles

Amanda