Life

Upon filling out a survey for my school I answered a question with the normal boring approach that one does when doing stupid school surveys. The more I wrote though, the more I realized that I was being real for once.


"Life before college did not prepare me for this. I am hugely overwhelmed and at the current moment don't have any idea what I'm going to do. I can't decide if its this school or if college in general is just not meant for me. I like everything this school offers me but it takes away so much more then it gives. I've lost some freedom that I once had and as to be expected, a bit of my sanity. I'm a person in question when it comes to dealing with so many different aspects of my life."


Life lately has just put me through a lot and I'm overwhelmed but for once I'm taking it all in stride and trying to not let my anxiety get in the way. I guess I'm just coming to the understanding of how I'm going to have to deal with Stress and problems in my life now that I have such bad anxiety and depression.


Like most things in life, I am learning to live, accept and work with what I've been given.

Post-Crazy

Well that party I was telling you about happened. It was insane. Actually that whole night was kinda insane. I shaved Chris's head and then went and smoked cigars with Nate Holly and Chris. We dropped Nate off and grabbed Hunter and went blazing. Yea that's right, we took Hunter! That was interesting. After we dropped Holly off me and Chris hung out for an Hour until the party started. After we went to the party. Nothing like hanging out with a bunch of drunk people to help get your priority straight. When I said I was going hard I meant it. I cleaned off a whole bottle of Vodka by myself and had like 7 shots of a bunch of other stuff.

 I tried to hang with Chris so he wasn't so awkward but I wanted to have some fun. Eventually I left and went to another party down the street and partied there. When I came back Chris had ditched so I hung out with Whittney and Hunter all night. I do think now though that I no longer care for Chris and Hunter in the same way. I don't know maybe its just the alchol that made me see them differently but I just don't feel as into them as I once was.

Anyway I walked back to my room drunk off my ass. Kicked my roommates boyfriend out, took a shower, threw up and then went to bed. Sooo yea it was fun.

Turnt up

I'm going to continue on with my talk about how this is the final Hoorah! Tonight Me and some friends are all going over to Miami and Bond for this HUGE party. I'm so pumped for it because not only will Chris be there but so will Hunter and a ton of other guys. I'm getting drunk and blazin all night. Fuck everything!

Final Decision

I've come tot the conclusion that I know what needs to be done. I have to distance myself from him and just the thought of having to do it makes me want to cry. I never knew it was possible to fall for a guy so hard. Yea I've had boyfriends and guys I've liked in my past but not like this. I feel like a little kid claiming that I'm in love. Bleh! I like him a lot and I think the concept that I live with him and see him 24/7 makes it so much harder. I'm claiming tonight as are last hoorah! I'm just really hoping that my friends dont think i'm ditching them because of this.

Done Trying to Stop It

We've been through it over and over. I've said it again and again but I guess I'm just tired of trying to fight it all. Like I can sit here and say that I'm going to try and get over him but that's not happening. Hes something I cant have and we all know how I love to go after things I can't have. It's so much more then that. Theres a silent competition that's gone on between me and Holly now over him. I don't know I wish I could just get over him but we all know that's not going to happen so I'm just gonna live with it.