Family 4 Sail

Am I allowed to sell my family on ebay? What about craigs list? Once again I am facing the wrath of my mother and the ignorance of my father. Andrews coming into town and my dads life is all about him. I pissed my mom off and I guess as a way to get back at me is by keeping me away from Olivia. My dads in the process of seeing what he can do to fix the situation but in all honesty I'm not holding my breath!

Transition Time

I'm kinda in a mind set of stopping this blog and once again starting a new one.  Will I actually do it? I don't know. I think my life has moved on from what this blog started out to be. I feel like everything's so much different now and the things that once meant the world to me now don't mean anything. It's hard to think that once upon a time ago I wanted to stay in Logan or somewhere close to be near family. Now I know for a fact that I'm leaving and I think I'm gonna move to Cinci.

My dad once told me that once I got to college everything would change. Its not that I didn't believe him or anything but I guess I didn't expect things to change as much as they did. I have friends here that I have only known for 8 months and I feel like I've known them for my whole life. I love them all so much and could never imagine my life without any of them.

It makes me slightly sad to know that I'm leaving a life that I once cherished so much behind. I had so many fond memories with so many people and its not like I'm going to stop being friends with people or stop doing things I use to do, its just now they don't mean as much to me or I don't find it as much fun as I use to.

Life does move on and change. I'm in one of those transitional phases I guess. Only time will tell will tell where I end up.

Normal is good

Things are back to normal and to be honest I'm glad. I'm glad to be back in Manchester with my friends and I have made it my mission to try harder in all my classes so that I can actually come back next year! I quit my job an Dollar General and could not be happier. It was just way to much stress in my life. I've decided that I'm going to live with my father this summer. The concept that I can't even have one phone call with my mother without fighting is just sad. Theres no way that I could live with her.

I'm beginning to come to terms with the fact that I'm officially an adult which mean It's time I start making my own decisions. For awhile now I have been wanting to move out of Indiana. The more I talk to Dylan that more I think i'll actually do it. Theres just nothing here for me and I can't help but get the constant despair out of the back of my mind when I think about staying here. I don't know. I have a few years left to decide.

For now though I'm outta here. Gotta go to lunch and then class.

Good Time

Life's been going pretty good lately. I guess until lately I never realized how much my family has my back, well, at least most of them do. i'm not gonna hold out on my mom or anything but then again I'm not gonna blame her for not being able to help me out, its not her fault. In the long run I made my goal for my Alabama trip with Sierra and Billy and as of recent I just found out that I get to see the Ocean! I am beyond excited for this trip. I don't even think that I'm to worried to go drive on the interstate anymore. Well I'm off for now. I'm trying to fix and defrag my grandmas computer. Wish me luck!

Update

It's been awhile since I've done a great update of my life on here. To start with, I finally got my knee surgery scheduled and I'm finally getting it fixed. Only bad part is that it is at the beginning of summer which means I won't be able to get a job for a while. Speaking of jobs. I plan on quitting mine. It's to much stress and it's really making it hard for me to do school. The thought of me not going to manchester next year makes me want to cry. I just can't even imagine it. For now though I'm on spring break and I'm about to go to Alabama with Sierra, billy and Billy's sister. This will be interesting I'm sure. I've been helping my grandma out for some extra money and I'm gonna get some from my dad. Hopefully I have enough but to be honest my biggest fear of this trip is that I have to drive on the interstate. Life's been pretty good. Dylan and have been pretty close lately and I absolutely love it. He is seriously one of a kind. 

Life

Upon filling out a survey for my school I answered a question with the normal boring approach that one does when doing stupid school surveys. The more I wrote though, the more I realized that I was being real for once.


"Life before college did not prepare me for this. I am hugely overwhelmed and at the current moment don't have any idea what I'm going to do. I can't decide if its this school or if college in general is just not meant for me. I like everything this school offers me but it takes away so much more then it gives. I've lost some freedom that I once had and as to be expected, a bit of my sanity. I'm a person in question when it comes to dealing with so many different aspects of my life."


Life lately has just put me through a lot and I'm overwhelmed but for once I'm taking it all in stride and trying to not let my anxiety get in the way. I guess I'm just coming to the understanding of how I'm going to have to deal with Stress and problems in my life now that I have such bad anxiety and depression.


Like most things in life, I am learning to live, accept and work with what I've been given.

Post-Crazy

Well that party I was telling you about happened. It was insane. Actually that whole night was kinda insane. I shaved Chris's head and then went and smoked cigars with Nate Holly and Chris. We dropped Nate off and grabbed Hunter and went blazing. Yea that's right, we took Hunter! That was interesting. After we dropped Holly off me and Chris hung out for an Hour until the party started. After we went to the party. Nothing like hanging out with a bunch of drunk people to help get your priority straight. When I said I was going hard I meant it. I cleaned off a whole bottle of Vodka by myself and had like 7 shots of a bunch of other stuff.

 I tried to hang with Chris so he wasn't so awkward but I wanted to have some fun. Eventually I left and went to another party down the street and partied there. When I came back Chris had ditched so I hung out with Whittney and Hunter all night. I do think now though that I no longer care for Chris and Hunter in the same way. I don't know maybe its just the alchol that made me see them differently but I just don't feel as into them as I once was.

Anyway I walked back to my room drunk off my ass. Kicked my roommates boyfriend out, took a shower, threw up and then went to bed. Sooo yea it was fun.

Turnt up

I'm going to continue on with my talk about how this is the final Hoorah! Tonight Me and some friends are all going over to Miami and Bond for this HUGE party. I'm so pumped for it because not only will Chris be there but so will Hunter and a ton of other guys. I'm getting drunk and blazin all night. Fuck everything!

Final Decision

I've come tot the conclusion that I know what needs to be done. I have to distance myself from him and just the thought of having to do it makes me want to cry. I never knew it was possible to fall for a guy so hard. Yea I've had boyfriends and guys I've liked in my past but not like this. I feel like a little kid claiming that I'm in love. Bleh! I like him a lot and I think the concept that I live with him and see him 24/7 makes it so much harder. I'm claiming tonight as are last hoorah! I'm just really hoping that my friends dont think i'm ditching them because of this.

Done Trying to Stop It

We've been through it over and over. I've said it again and again but I guess I'm just tired of trying to fight it all. Like I can sit here and say that I'm going to try and get over him but that's not happening. Hes something I cant have and we all know how I love to go after things I can't have. It's so much more then that. Theres a silent competition that's gone on between me and Holly now over him. I don't know I wish I could just get over him but we all know that's not going to happen so I'm just gonna live with it.